I woke up today, and my husband has been very quiet and moody. This is not typical for him. I asked him what was wrong, but he replied, ‘I’m okay.’” – – A wife, noticing the silence that says more than words.
This is not just a mood.
It’s often a silent cry for help that even he may not fully understand.
Most men were socialized to suppress their emotions, rather than express them.
To solve problems, not sit with pain.
To endure, not explore.
Studies have shown that men, particularly Black men, often struggle to identify and articulate their emotional experiences. This is sometimes called “alexithymia” — the difficulty in recognizing or verbalizing one’s own feelings (Levant et al., 2009).
Research also shows that men are more likely to present irritability, withdrawal, or anger rather than typical symptoms like sadness when experiencing depression (Rice et al., 2013).
So when a man says, “I’m okay,”
He may really be saying:
“I don’t know what’s wrong.”
“I don’t have the words.”
“I’ve never been taught how to talk about this.”
Or: “I don’t want to burden you.”
To partners, family, and friends, your gentleness matters.
Sometimes it’s not about fixing it. It’s about making it safe enough for him to feel.
And to the men who are struggling in silence:
You are not weak for feeling lost.
You are human.
You are allowed to pause and ask yourself:
“What do I need right now?”
Because emotional literacy isn’t given; it’s a skill. We must unlearn silence to relearn safety.
Let’s stop mistaking silence for strength.
Healing begins when men are given permission and language to express their feelings.
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